There is no place like HOME!

We have been back from China for 2 days.  The travel was grueling:  poor sleep at an overpriced hotel by the Hong Kong Airport, waking up to a diaper catastrophe of which we shall not speak, which made us late to check in, jogging through the airport (which I hate more than just about anything), a 14 hour flight in which little Abe slept for 40 minutes, and fought with me for two hours, customs, the Chicago O'Hare airport- which is crowded and lacks sufficient air-conditioning, camping in one terminal, discovering our flight is moved to another terminal, hurrying over, finding our flight is delayed, and finally, finally arriving in Birmingham.  A thirty hour day.  Rough, but we made it.  Melissa was awesome, and we worked as a team, and we made it.

Seeing our other kids and my mom was so great- we missed them so much.  Two weeks is too long to be away from young-uns. Big thanks to Melissa's mom Vicki, my mom Brooks, the Snow family, our church and everyone else who helped Amelia and Eli while we were gone.

Back home is great.  Eli and Amelia are realizing that a new brother will mean less attention for them and some challenging adjustments (selflessness is so good but so hard at every age- even my own).  It is too early to report on Abe's adjustment, but the last two days have been good.  Some crying at night, but not as much.  Some angry tantrums, but not as intense or as long.  Melissa and I are really enjoying outsmarting him. For example he is in danger of climbing/falling out of his crib by swinging a leg up (looks like a cool karate move) and pulling himself over, but won't stay in his big bed.  Engineering genes from my dad kicked in and a handful of zip ties and some PVC pipe made the crib just high enough that he can't swing a leg over. Outsmarted!  He is continually showing us ways we need to re-childproof the house.

Watching Abe discover his new and permanent home is wonderful. He seems amazed by his brother and sister.  He is delighted with regular family mealtimes.  Seeing the cat brings out very animated babbling commentary.  He is being read to for the first time and beginning to show some slight interest in books.  There are tons of toys to discover.  The self-playing digital piano is pretty impressive, as is the family dancing that sometimes goes with it.

Soon we will get him checked over by a doctor and schedule surgery on his open palate.  Once he has had that he should be able to talk- I have a feeling he will have a lot to say.

Thanks again to everyone who has read and especially to everyone who has prayed.  We are blessed beyond measure.

Abe has a brother!

Abe has new toys!

Daddy did redneck engineering on my crib so I can't fall out!

and Mommy has a lap full of kids! (Eli is happier than he looks)

Starting the long journey home

This will be our last post from China.  Big thanks to all who have been praying for us and please keep it up.  The last couple of days have been a little harder- lots of tantrums from Abe and Melissa and I are just weary from living in a hotel and eating foreign food or fast food and from learning to care for a toddler again.

It is Thursday afternoon here.  In a couple of hours we'll take a van to Hong Kong and stay the night in a hotel by the airport.  Tomorrow at 11 am we will fly to Chicago.  We are seeking the peace that passes understanding for that trip, but truthfully we are plagued by the fear of enduring a one hour tantrum crammed into an airplane seat.  Please pray for strength, endurance, hope, and peace for all of us. 

After a seven hour layover in Chicago we'll fly home and be home around 8 or 9.  If there are any available we'll try to get an earlier flight.  I can't begin to explain how great it will be to get home and settle back into normal life.  Even though it will be a new normal of having a family of five!

It's hard for me to count my blessings when I'm tired- and saying that reminds me of our friend April who adopted two lovely girls and sometimes prayed "Lord, give me the strength to endure my blessings".  Please pray that for us.  Parenting is a massive amount of work, but for those given the opportunity to do it there are enormous blessings too. 

We look forward to being home and hope to settle in soon so that many of you who have been reading and praying for us can meet Abe and get our thanks in person.  God bless you.

Getting to know mommy's pretty face:

Out at night in Guangzhou:

Pandas, Greens for Breakfast, and Frogger

Melissa here.   Craig is taking a turn at putting Abe Dimao down for bed.  We're very, very thankful that for the last 4 nap and bedtimes, we haven't had a tantrum--just a bit of middle-of-the-night crying, but his cute and impish personality is coming out, and currently he is trying to go to bed without his diaper.  When you have a kid with major intestinal upset at the moment, that is not an option.  AH...from one challenge to another.

We spent this morning at the Guangzhou zoo, where we were all excited to see a real live giant panda munching on a bamboo breakfast.  Dimao has a panda stuffed animal that we sent to him in his care package, and I think he made the connection.  We also finished our medical exams today, and he is cleared to come into the US.  So, we should come home on time!

We feel like the relationship with him is going pretty well.  The only tantrums for the last 2 days, for example, were typical 2-year-old control-issue tantrums.  (You won't give me that.  So I will lay down and cry angrily to try to make you change your mind.)  We are handling him better...we have a system for dealing with meals so that we can control his intake and so that we all eat together.  No tantrums around meals for a while.  And, he is accepting when the meal is done.  (Incidentally...for all of you who will be around him, no one gives him any food, drinks, or treats except for Mom and Dad for quite a while.  We must be the food-givers.  It communicates that we are his people and we take care of him and he now has 2 primary caregivers instead of many, many.  And if you saw this boy at meals, you would get why this is so important.  No suckers or candy.  Nothing. If he needs something, send him to us to ask for it.  OK?  :-)

Craig and I are also starting to teach him signs, frequently together with a Chinese word to reinforce the meaning, so that we can build his vocabulary for communicating.  We are blessed to have a professional sign language interpreter with us who is adopting with Lifeline at the moment as well, and we are daily building our vocab. (Thanks, Angie.)  Up until now, his only way to ask for something, or say something, is to make some sort of sound and point.  We are hoping to give him vocabulary to build a bridge for him until his surgery to close his palate is done.  Just tonight, I used the sign for stinky at a dirty diaper (I had just learned it), and he used it just a bit later to indicate that he had another dirty diaper.  Smart and quick. 

Also, he is Crazy about all modes of transportation.  The big item of the last 2 days has been the official introduction to a stroller.  He would have us push him in it everywhere, all the time, especially if we will go out of doors.  We do not, but he would like that.  :-)  He loves having his own set of wheels, and particularly if daddy has to stop and tote it and him up or down a set of stairs.  Hilarious!!  However, he also giggles with glee when we stride toward our bus, a van, a golf cart, an escalator, an elevator, and Especially a people-mover at the airport!! Good times!!



We just weighed him, and he has already gained weight in just one week with us.  This despite major intestinal distress.  He is gonna GROW!!  He has an inquisitive mind, a happy and playful personality, and a desire to help, please, and communicate.  I for one cannot wait to get some healthy, healthy stuff into this kid to help him build his brain and body. 

Well, some comments on life in China: 

I love the breakfast buffet at the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou because of how very international the selections are.  This is an international banking hub, and there are people from everywhere staying at this hotel.  I wish I felt like green vegetables at breakfast, because I could eat a day's worth.   There is everything from our expected waffles, fruit, and omelets to miso soup, hummus, olives, fish rice porridge, all kinds of salad makings, steamed cabbages and greens, dumplings galore, Middle Eastern flavored meat, crispy bacon and not-at-all-cooked-enough bacon, and everything else on the planet that gets eaten for breakfast.  (Well, maybe not everything, but it seems like it.)  I have to subdue the urge to go up to people and strike up conversations while they are trying to conduct business or enjoy their morning coffee.  "And where are YOU from, sir?  I know Africa, but where in it???"  "Mar'haba, ma'am.  Are you from Saudi or Yemen or elsewhere?"  etc. But we have entirely to much to handle with our pint-sized crazy-food-man for me to be leaving Craig at breakfast to try to chat with strangers regarding their language background and home countries, so I don't.  :-)  But it is tantalizing to me.

Crossing the street in a large Chinese city is a lot like playing Frogger.  (If you are younger than, say, 32, then you should just ignore the reference and move on, I guess.)  (Unless you're into vintage video games.)  (If you know Frogger, then, seriously, it is a lot like it.)  In Shanghai, Even At The Crosswalk we could get hit.  Guangzhou is a bit more civilized; the crosswalk is more or less respected, IF you are at a light.  Otherwise, you had better be on your guard.  Wow.  Going to the 7-11 is such an adventure.  We stick with people from here and follow their lead.  I figure if I'm between an old lady and a lady with a baby my chances are higher.  :-)

Thanks to all of you for your prayers.  We are deeply grateful for those of you who are keeping up with us through the blog and lifting up our requests.  Please pray for us to have wisdom regarding how to settle Dimao's stomach, particularly before the long international flight.  Pray for our family at home to be prepared for our return; pray for the joy of the addition of a new brother to outweigh the difficulty of adjustments, and thank God with us for the work that He will do in each of our lives through the addition of this life to our home.  Continue to pray for our patience and endurance, for peace and grace to prevail in our hearts, and for us to have God-given wisdom in the best ways to parent him.

Blessings to you!


Big grins as Mommy helps Abe down the stairs

Watching the chimps with Dad-

Little Boy likes to travel

Friday was our first travel day.  We checked out of our hotel, went and proofread some documents, and went to the airport to fly to Guangzhou.  Melissa and I have handled international airports before, but it was really really nice to have our guide help us check in.  Because we haven't handled international airports with a toddler before, and as you parents know, having a toddler makes getting anywhere 5 times more difficult.

We had a long wait in the airport, and the whole time Melissa and I were on edge, worried about tantrums and diaper challenges in a crowded airport, or on a plane.  But, to our amazement and great relief, little Abe was an awesome trooper.  No crying, no trying to run away, no problems.  We arrived and checked in at the Garden hotel in Guangzhou, a rather deluxe place.

We've had a couple of good days here.  Abe is getting used to us, and us to him. Naps and bedtime are still hard and likely will be for a while, but most of the day is great.  The hotel provided us with a stroller and Abe loves it! He likes going places- he giggles when he gets in the stroller, when he gets on a van or bus, and wasn't fazed at all by the airplane. I can't wait to show off his cute little self to you all.

We are also with about 6 other adopting families here, and we get to encourage each other by telling about what has been hard and what has been great.  Yesterday we all went to a doctors office to get medical clearance for Abe to get a U.S. entrance visa.  Every time he was measured or poked he giggled, which was great (a lot of the other kids weren't so happy about it).  The last thing there was a TB test, which meant a big shot in the arm with a big needle.  We were braced for crying, and Abe just shrugged it off.  He may be like his brother Eli- tough as nails.  We may have to start a local MMA league for them when they get older.

This morning we shopped at a big market with the other families.  I think we have a few days of this- morning activities then afternoon and evening time to wander as a family or huddle in the room and keep getting to know each other.  While people somewhere process paperwork for us.  

Thanks for praying.  Please pray for our other kids, Amelia and Eli, that they will be ready to welcome Abe next week and help us with caring for him.  We miss them terribly, even though we get to skype them every few days.  Keep praying for sleep time- we are getting used to it, but it still isn't fun. 
Thanks so much.

The biggest and littlest Hawkins in the airport:

Abe doing his 'happy clapping dance' (about to get fed):

At the doctor, being brave and tough!:

Y'all have a great Sunday- we can't wait to be home and able to worship with our church again- hope you are enjoying yours!

Better day, bits of his past, and giggles.

Thursday 5/17

I am astonished at the number of folks reading this and praying for us.  Astonished I tell you.  Little Abe is blessed to  have SO MANY people care about him.  Today was a good day- The Lord answered prayers and Melissa and I have had renewed energy and patience.  Abe has hollered himself hoarse, which is pitiful, but has a silver lining of making his tantrum volume a lot less!  Also he went to sleep easier last night.

Today we went to the orphanage where he spent most of his life so far.  They wouldn't let us visit (said they were renovating) so we just drove up to the gate and took a few pictures.  Even though we couldn't go in, the orphanage was great about giving us some pictures of Abe taken over the last few years.  We also went to the hospital where his birth-mother abandoned him.  With a few details and documents given to us, Melissa has pieced together what may have happened during his first few days that put him in the orphanage.  We'll tell you that story in person if you are interested.  Just as we pray and do what we can to help the orphans in the world, we should pray for the many mothers and fathers who are unable to keep their children, or who are able and live in such darkness that they don't want to.

Abe had a bath this morning and giggled the whole time.  I mentioned that he is undernourished.  We brought clothes sized for a 2 year old and the shirts mostly fit but the pants are falling off.  He looks like a tiny person with the non-existent rear-end of an old man.  He has no chubby little thighs, no junk in his trunk.  We will amend that soon! Melissa is great at feeding kids healthy stuff.  Though sadly thin, he is still cute as a bug.

Scenes from the day:  On the long drives this morning he fell asleep in Melissa's arms.  This afternoon he slept in mine.  When he sees food he gets insanely happy.  In the afternoons we play in the hotel room and eat together.  At the orphanage he got most of his vitamins by drinking four bottles of formula a day, and we will continue that until we get him on a stable diet back home.  When we get his bottle ready he does a super cute happy dance, with giggles and clapping.  He loves to try and be helpful and throw away trash and pick up things and carry things.  He smiles really big when he gets in an elevator.
It is late now and he is asleep.  Both of our other kids had a hard time learning to go to sleep without crying, and even though Abe has different kinds of fear issues, we can figure out how to parent him through this.  Tonight he only cried for 20 minutes!  He is now sound asleep.

Tomorrow we will fly to Guangzhou where the American consulate will approve him for immigration to the US and issue him a visa.  A friend recently returned from adopting here said that being there is like being at "adoption camp."  We look forward to being there and frankly, to leaving Shanghai.  The people we have met and worked with here have been really great, especially our guides and driver, but the city itself is very gray and gloomy, with too few parks and public spaces.  There are no playgrounds here!  Just busy streets, busy sidewalks, and buildings. 

happy bath time:

sleepy boy:

Please pray for safe and not too hectic travel tomorrow, and for continuing peace, trust for Abe, and patience for us.
Thank you

Challenges and Blessings

Tuesday 5/15

Today was a challenge.  Abe woke up at 4:30, and so we started our morning early.  We had a good morning and a good breakfast.  At 8:30 we went out with our guide, a Chinese adoption social worker named Ada.  She took us to two government buildings to pay fees and sign the official adoption paperwork.  This morning at the Shanghai Bureau of Weddings and Adoptions the process that has happened in our hearts over the last months became official on paper!  The offices were across town, and that business plus a stop at the grocery store on the way home took five hours.  We were all pretty tired.
The afternoon was hard.  Like all kinds of parenting, you figure out a lot of things as you go.  Last night and this morning we let Abe eat a lot, and a lot of different foods.  We didn't think about how he was used to bland orphanage food and also thought we should allow him to enjoy his first opportunity to have more than enough food.  Well, that plus the stress of all the new stuff going on meant today he has a tore-up tummy.  We had incorrectly guessed before getting him that he would be potty trained.  Nope. So today we dealt with lots of diaper unpleasantness.  Lots and lots.

We have also seen now that Abe throws tantrums when angry.  This happens at naptime and at bedtime, and a couple of other times.  We know that we can't respond to tantrums with an adopted child who has suffered a lot of emotional neglect the way we would with an emotionally healthy child, and we haven't figured out yet how to calm him when he is upset.  We stay near so he learns we won't leave, and we let him cry it out, often he tries to kick and push us away.  This is tiring for us all.

When I was younger I only thought of the idea of one's "calling" in terms of a job, particularly a job as a minister.  In recent years I see it meaning much more.  Growing deeper into relationship with Jesus as his follower, all kinds of things he leads me to do I realize are 'callings'.  When work is challenging it helps me keep going to think of it as work I am led and called to.  When marriage is challenging, it helps to remember how God led me to my wife and that I am not in it to be blessed and happy (though I often am) but I am called to be a husband, and also a father.  Melissa and I reminded ourselves this afternoon that parenting Abe is something we were called to.  It is part of God's plan for us.  And He will support us through the challenges.  There will be lots of joy, but the point isn't our joy, the point is being part of God's plan.

Abe is undernourished.  He is almost four but he is the size and maturity of a two year old.  Some things, like walking around and picking up toys, he can do as well as a four year old.  Some things he is more like a two year old, like being unable to climb off of the bed (learned that one the hard way, and endured a tantrum as a result).  It seems that he has had his bare physical needs met and little else for almost four years.  Yesterday's excitement and joy subsided a bit as some understanding of the challenges of parenting this wonderful boy set in today.

Then, tonight, we were part of something beautiful.  I laid him on the bed and he started crying, screaming, and kicking, as he has several times now.  Melissa laid beside him and after a few minutes leaned over him and started singing in Chinese: "sleep, Dimao, I love you."  In about five minutes he stopped crying.  For several minutes he looked in Melissa's eyes, holding eye contact as she sang.  I watched and saw prayers being answered.  I saw in my wife the transforming power of God's love.  I saw Abe look at his mommy, occasionally over at me, and then back to her, and then he peacefully faded off to sleep.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for your prayers.  Keep praying as you are led.  You are part of what God is doing in this little boy's life, and we are so grateful.

Wednesday:
Last night was beautiful, but at 2 a.m. Abe woke and started a crying fit when we wouldn't let him get up and start the day.  It took 45 minutes for him to get back to sleep, and a little longer for Melissa and I.  This morning we saw some sights around Shanghai.  Abe was very good- he likes riding in the van and seeing things.  But both after breakfast and after lunch, when he realized the food was gone, he started another tantrum.  Of course, we have learned our lesson from Monday and are controlling his eating for him, and his tummy is getting better.  But he does not like being told that a meal is over.  Understatement. 

Please pray for peace and an ability to trust for Abe. Please pray for patience, calmness, and endurance for us.
Thank you!

signing papers to make the adoption final:

Abe and Melissa in Shanghai's Yu Gardens

Gotcha day! Monday May 14

At about 9 pm on Mother's day (10 am Monday morning in Shanghai), we sat on a sofa in a nicely furnished meeting room and Abe walked in the door with a kind young lady who wore a cross necklace.  She brought him to us and told him in Chinese "this is Mama, this is Daddy".  Melissa picked him up onto her lap.  He was wide eyed, handsome, and probably quite nervous.  We gave him a toy and he focused on it for a while as we learned about him and got some information from the young lady who had brought him to us. 

He is adorable. He stayed calm (mostly), and in the van ride back to the hotel he stayed in Melissa's lap, enjoyed a dum-dum, and held Melissa's hand tightly.  Back in our room he ate a huge lunch (probably too much, we forgot he would take everything put in front of him).  We have seen him smile a couple of times and heard a laugh.

Being well past his regular nap time, and no doubt stressed and confused by all the new and strange events of the morning, Abe cried himself to sleep.  Hard to hear but understandable.  We are now a family of five.

So many prayers have been answered to this point and our hearts are full of gratitude.  Please pray that Abe will be resiliant over the next 24 hours.  If you have ever known a toddler, they tend to prefer familiarity.  Poor Abe has to get used to all new surroundings.  Pray he will grow to trust us and be at peace with us.  He knows we are called "Mommy" and "Daddy", but this is his first day of learning what those words really mean.  Pray for us to have endurance and wisdom.

We would really like to visit the orphanage where he has lived, and they told us today that we cannot.  Please pray that they will change their minds and allow this.  Thank you all so much!

Right after we met him!:

In the van, looking worried:

Eating lunch:

First day in Shanghai

In Shanghai today.  We met a Chinese social worker named Ada early today (Saturday) who will meet us Monday morning and take us to get Abe.  She told us what to expect about meeting him and his primary caretaker from the orphanage and recommended questions to ask that person.  Ada will spend time with us Monday and Tuesday to guide us through some paperwork and official business.  She told us that the first 24 hours are for us to decide if we will keep him.  I understand this being an official practice but can't imagine the possibility of not bringing home this boy that we have been thinking about daily for the last seven months! 

We also spent a little time sightseeing today with another guide, a young lady named Keiko (key-ko).  Shanghai is so enormous it is beyond comprehension.  There are 33 million people here, making it 3 times the size of New York City, and 33 times the size of Birmingham.  From our hotel window we can see 18 high rise apartment buildings, and there are thousands like them across the city. 

The fun part of today was after Keiko left us and we wandered around on our own.  We ate a local favorite for supper: dumplings full of meat and hot soup (I have no idea how they get hot soup into a dumpling).  We tried to manage them with chopsticks, frequently dropping them with a splash into the soup that had already run out into the bowl. 
When we were nearly finished we realized all the Chinese patrons around us were using large spoons to hold the dumplings while they ate them.  Also, a kind server brought us a huge stack of napkins.  We felt like amateurs.  Or messy toddlers.  We had a good laugh at ourselves.

Please pray for us that tomorrow, Sunday, we will be able to rest well and be prepared for any challenges that come on Monday when we get Abe. Pray for him as he spends his last day in the place that has been his home for almost four years, that he will have a calm and peaceful mind and be ready to meet us and leave the orphanage.

One week until we fly to China. This has been a week of packing, praying, getting ducks in a row, checking off lists, making more lists, reviewing lists, going to the drug store, wal-mart, and so on. We are unbelievably blessed by people who have done this before and then posted their packing lists online with ideas about what was essential and what was really not needed. Melissa has done an awesome job of networking with other adoption moms. And today our visas came in, so when we show up in China their government will let us come in!

I saw an old friend from another state this morning and she asked where we were in the adoption process. As I told her how excited we are a lady beside her chimed in sarcastically “yeah, your face isn't showing that at all.” Apparently I was beaming. We feel a lot of excitement now, also plenty of anxiety, some worry, lots of hope, giddiness, and so much eagerness to be there with our son. And to start getting to know him.

As we are packing and getting the last details done a lot of conversations had along the way are replaying in my head. I remember asking our small group to pray for us when we were deciding to go forward with our long-held desire to adopt. I remember how once we started praying about it the answer was so obvious- the desires we had within us were deeper and stronger than ever. In an old book the anchient Hebrew king David wrote, the reader is told to “delight in your leader and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Awhile ago I told a friend about our plans to adopt Abe and he said “You're a better man than me, Craig Hawkins.” A silly and vain part of me would like to believe that, but it isn't true. This guy is a good friend and I'm not at all better than he is (in fact, we are both awesome!). I realize that to some, adopting a child seems like a really awesome 'good deed', or a great sacrifice for someone else's good. It really isn't. It's just what we want to do. The statement above from King David is how I understand the idea of what some people refer to as a “calling.” It is being given desires to do certain things as you love and follow your leader.

I believe that all children ought to have parents.  Melissa and I have the desire to be parents to Abe. I don't mind people thinking I'm really noble and awesome (go ahead, feel free), but it really boils down to Melissa and I are doing what we really want to do, working towards the desires of our hearts.

Here's photos from this past March: