Thanks readers, for keeping up and for praying for our son Abe as he has joined our family and recently gone through a big surgery. 

During recovery there were some days where little things would cause Melissa and I to hope and some days where little things would cause us to worry.  The extra care Abe required during the month, things like needing to be hand fed since his arms were in splints (to keep fingers out of his mouth), his fitfull sleep, as well as the back and forth of hope and worry made for a long and exhausting month.  We prayed everyday for perfect healing for Abe and for endurance for our family.  At the end of the month I came down with pneumonia, a not so nice way to cap off the tiring month.

Here’s an update on the surgery!  The doctor had told us to give 4 weeks for complete recovery and that date has just passed.  At three weeks the doctor looked at Abe and said his palate looked better than he expected.  This was great to hear.  A week later, the last of the scabs and bandaging stuff has fallen out, and Abe’s palate looks good.  Not perfect: there is clearly a small hole still there.  It is much smaller than the opening he was living with, and the doctor tells us not to be surprised or disappointed. It may close up as he grows, and if not, then it can be “plugged” when Abe has his next surgery at age six.  (That surgery  will focus on repairing muscles in his lip.) 

So we’re okay.  The surgery result and Abe’s healing is not as perfect as we had hoped and prayed for.  Ever not get what you prayed for? It’s happened to me before too.  God is faithful- I’ll always pray big, hope big, and believe big.  He comes through in ways I ask sometimes, and in ways I don’t expect sometimes, but he always comes through.  I’ve recently read some testimony by John Eldridge where he talks about trying to see and appreciate what God is giving him instead of having his vision blurred by disappointment with what God isn’t giving.  We were sad that God didn’t give Abe the perfect healing we had prayed for, but I am praying to see what God is doing, and trusting that it will be good.

It seems though that we are out of the high water and regaining footing.  Abe’s arm splints are gone and he can feed himself again (hallelujah!), and he gets to go back to his preschool for 3 half day sessions each week (he loves his class and they are good to him- so good for him to have friends his age!).  The behavior and attachment progress we lost after the surgery can be regained.  And we can be our family of five that God has brought together for His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Abe’s big need now is to learn to speak- the surgery corrected some back-of-mouth muscle placement and by correcting the largest holes it should be much more possible for Abe to learn to speak.  The remaining hole will probably cause his speech to be nasaly and less clear, but it shouldn't prevent speech.  After nearly 4 years of growing in an orphanage into the understanding that he could not talk he may have to learn that he now can learn how to speak! We have enrolled him in the Hoover school system and through them he will have access to speech therapy, which should start in a week or two (to prepare him for kindergarten).  His inability to communicate is one of the biggest barriers between him and the rest of the family now, especially in connecting and being able to play with his brother and sister.  So please pray for quick progress in learning to talk.

Thanks for holding our family in your prayers.  The Lord has sustained us and does still.  We have a solid marriage and three wonderful kids, great extended family, a great church family, and more friends than I would ever ask for.  We are humbled and grateful for this great wealth.  May God be as great in your life as he is in ours.

Update on our family, and a Big Prayer Request

Abe has been in our family for three and a half months now. The summer was a mix of great things and challenging things. Some of the great things:   Every meal with another kid at the family table was great! Seeing the kids play together, seeing Abe grow and GROW!, leaning on God's strength, recieving wisdom from Him, and recieving so much kindness, food, money, prayers, and all other sorts of goodness from our family, church, and friends was AMAZING! We are blessed far beyond what we would ever expect or ask. The Lord, and his children, are good.

The challenges were plenty- losing sleep, potty training (went well, nearly done), teaching basic boundaries, and so on. Abe can reach a lot, but doesn't need to pick up, pull out, or relocate everything he can reach. He is slowly learning that, and we are supervising almost constantly to keep him (and our stuff) intact.  It was good to 'hunker down' at home and let him attach to us and see us as his family, but hard to spend less time with the rest of our family and our church.  Every week is better, and we can think back and be amazed at how well Abe is doing and at how many prayers are being answered. 

With some great advice from the international adoption clinic we helped him get past some food anxieties that were troubling him and making meal preperation hard for us. The doctor said to let him eat as much as he wants, and always have food available, so we did. The doctor also said she wanted to see him grow- that he was way too short for his age (which we knew). Those two things worked together: he is much less anxious about food/mealtime, and he is growing like kudzu. Since June 1 he has grown 3 inches (from 30 to 33 in.). That is a huge difference. Since we got him in mid May he has gained almost 10 pounds (from 21 to 30.5).  He loves being picked up, but he's getting much harder to lift!

BIG PRAYER REQUEST:  Tomorrow, Aug. 29, in the morning Abe is having surgery to close 3 holes in his palate (the roof of his mouth).  Because of those holes, there are several sounds he cannot make ("B", "P", "T", "D", and maybe others).  He is understanding a lot of English now, and he wants and tries to speak, but he can't.  Another doctor will come in after the palate guy is finished and put tubes in his ears- the ENT doc tells us he has a lot of fluid trapped in his ear and his hearing is about half what it should be.  After the surgery he'll have to learn how to talk, and that may take some time, but he will be ABLE to.  And he'll be able to hear.  This will make a HUGE difference in his life, and if his ability to connect with our family and other people. 
Please pray:
for Dr. Grant the palate doctor
for the ENT ear tubes doctor
for the nurses and assistants
for Abe during surgery
for all of us during recovery.

Thanks so much!  Everyone who has prayed has made a big difference in my son's life, and I can't even beging to express proper thanks.

These pictures are 2 weeks to a month old- can't get to my more recent ones right now.

Smiley- 2 weeks ago...

 

 

 Dancing with a crazy lady!

                    One bad dude...

Amazing what family life can do!

Today is Abe’s 4^th birthday!  He has been in our family for just over 3 weeks.  Being home is great!  He requires a lot of supervision, just like any toddler, but he is adjusting well to Alabama living.  He gets a huge kick every day out of going on a new adventure, whether park, grocery store, or library, and he knows that the van is the ticket to the new place or new thing.  We try to balance something new with a lot of familiar each day, so that he can be as secure as possible as he is also still growing and learning about his new life.  He loves the outdoors, and he loves water!

The big issue for kids and parents in the first few weeks and months is “bonding” or “attachment.”  This is getting a child who has had multiple caregivers who hasn’t had a concept of ‘family’ or ‘parents’ to begin to understand that his new Mom and Dad are the special people in his life who will take care of him.  For 3 weeks in, Abe seems to be attaching well to our family.  He will hold eye contact at times, he plays well, he mimics us and the kids, and does other kinds of fun stuff that suggests that those connections are forming well in his mind.  When a stranger (to him) is in our house, he’ll still go to them with too much familiarity, which is a habit of children who have had multiple caregivers and no parents , but generally we can see that he is beginning to realize that he belongs with us.

This past Sunday Melissa, Amelia, and Eli went to church while Abe and I stayed home.  When they left he got upset and cried. I thought it might help him to review the last few weeks and be reminded of what has gone on and that he is with us now and this is his home.  I put the camera’s memory card in the computer and we scrolled through the last few weeks of photos.  I was shocked to see how much he has changed in just 3 weeks.  Check out the difference in these 2 bath pictures, taken only 3 weeks apart:

We have a prayer request for today:  last night Melissa brought something up and I was blessed by the compassion in my wife’s heart.  She reminded me that the few things we learned about Abe’s abandonment in Shanghai suggested that his birth mother wanted to keep him but could not care for him due to his cleft lip and palate, and so she left him where she hoped he would be found and cared for.  I am sure that today, on his birthday, she is remembering him and wondering about him.  I cannot imagine what she is feeling.  Please pray for her, that Jesus will draw her to himself and give her faith and assurance that He has provided for the son she could not keep.  Please pray for all the parents and children in this broken world who do not have the families they need.

Please also continue to pray for Abe’s healthy attachment to our family, as well as for him to be able to physically manage the phenomenal growth (both in body and mind) he is experiencing right now.  Three weeks ago he didn’t know what to do with a ball.  Today he caught one tossed at him.  Three weeks ago he stuffed food into his face with velocity.  Today he tried to mimic our “take a bite, chew and swallow, then chat a bit before the next bite” pace at the table.  Three weeks ago he would not be comforted when time for sleep was here.  Today he fell asleep peacefully at nap with his bear after being sung to by mommy, and we’re at about 75% success with that.  He has already gained at least 3 pounds.  Continue to pray for his resiliency.   Thanks so much!

 Birthday pic!

There is no place like HOME!

We have been back from China for 2 days.  The travel was grueling:  poor sleep at an overpriced hotel by the Hong Kong Airport, waking up to a diaper catastrophe of which we shall not speak, which made us late to check in, jogging through the airport (which I hate more than just about anything), a 14 hour flight in which little Abe slept for 40 minutes, and fought with me for two hours, customs, the Chicago O'Hare airport- which is crowded and lacks sufficient air-conditioning, camping in one terminal, discovering our flight is moved to another terminal, hurrying over, finding our flight is delayed, and finally, finally arriving in Birmingham.  A thirty hour day.  Rough, but we made it.  Melissa was awesome, and we worked as a team, and we made it.

Seeing our other kids and my mom was so great- we missed them so much.  Two weeks is too long to be away from young-uns. Big thanks to Melissa's mom Vicki, my mom Brooks, the Snow family, our church and everyone else who helped Amelia and Eli while we were gone.

Back home is great.  Eli and Amelia are realizing that a new brother will mean less attention for them and some challenging adjustments (selflessness is so good but so hard at every age- even my own).  It is too early to report on Abe's adjustment, but the last two days have been good.  Some crying at night, but not as much.  Some angry tantrums, but not as intense or as long.  Melissa and I are really enjoying outsmarting him. For example he is in danger of climbing/falling out of his crib by swinging a leg up (looks like a cool karate move) and pulling himself over, but won't stay in his big bed.  Engineering genes from my dad kicked in and a handful of zip ties and some PVC pipe made the crib just high enough that he can't swing a leg over. Outsmarted!  He is continually showing us ways we need to re-childproof the house.

Watching Abe discover his new and permanent home is wonderful. He seems amazed by his brother and sister.  He is delighted with regular family mealtimes.  Seeing the cat brings out very animated babbling commentary.  He is being read to for the first time and beginning to show some slight interest in books.  There are tons of toys to discover.  The self-playing digital piano is pretty impressive, as is the family dancing that sometimes goes with it.

Soon we will get him checked over by a doctor and schedule surgery on his open palate.  Once he has had that he should be able to talk- I have a feeling he will have a lot to say.

Thanks again to everyone who has read and especially to everyone who has prayed.  We are blessed beyond measure.

Abe has a brother!

Abe has new toys!

Daddy did redneck engineering on my crib so I can't fall out!

and Mommy has a lap full of kids! (Eli is happier than he looks)

Starting the long journey home

This will be our last post from China.  Big thanks to all who have been praying for us and please keep it up.  The last couple of days have been a little harder- lots of tantrums from Abe and Melissa and I are just weary from living in a hotel and eating foreign food or fast food and from learning to care for a toddler again.

It is Thursday afternoon here.  In a couple of hours we'll take a van to Hong Kong and stay the night in a hotel by the airport.  Tomorrow at 11 am we will fly to Chicago.  We are seeking the peace that passes understanding for that trip, but truthfully we are plagued by the fear of enduring a one hour tantrum crammed into an airplane seat.  Please pray for strength, endurance, hope, and peace for all of us. 

After a seven hour layover in Chicago we'll fly home and be home around 8 or 9.  If there are any available we'll try to get an earlier flight.  I can't begin to explain how great it will be to get home and settle back into normal life.  Even though it will be a new normal of having a family of five!

It's hard for me to count my blessings when I'm tired- and saying that reminds me of our friend April who adopted two lovely girls and sometimes prayed "Lord, give me the strength to endure my blessings".  Please pray that for us.  Parenting is a massive amount of work, but for those given the opportunity to do it there are enormous blessings too. 

We look forward to being home and hope to settle in soon so that many of you who have been reading and praying for us can meet Abe and get our thanks in person.  God bless you.

Getting to know mommy's pretty face:

Out at night in Guangzhou:

Pandas, Greens for Breakfast, and Frogger

Melissa here.   Craig is taking a turn at putting Abe Dimao down for bed.  We're very, very thankful that for the last 4 nap and bedtimes, we haven't had a tantrum--just a bit of middle-of-the-night crying, but his cute and impish personality is coming out, and currently he is trying to go to bed without his diaper.  When you have a kid with major intestinal upset at the moment, that is not an option.  AH...from one challenge to another.

We spent this morning at the Guangzhou zoo, where we were all excited to see a real live giant panda munching on a bamboo breakfast.  Dimao has a panda stuffed animal that we sent to him in his care package, and I think he made the connection.  We also finished our medical exams today, and he is cleared to come into the US.  So, we should come home on time!

We feel like the relationship with him is going pretty well.  The only tantrums for the last 2 days, for example, were typical 2-year-old control-issue tantrums.  (You won't give me that.  So I will lay down and cry angrily to try to make you change your mind.)  We are handling him better...we have a system for dealing with meals so that we can control his intake and so that we all eat together.  No tantrums around meals for a while.  And, he is accepting when the meal is done.  (Incidentally...for all of you who will be around him, no one gives him any food, drinks, or treats except for Mom and Dad for quite a while.  We must be the food-givers.  It communicates that we are his people and we take care of him and he now has 2 primary caregivers instead of many, many.  And if you saw this boy at meals, you would get why this is so important.  No suckers or candy.  Nothing. If he needs something, send him to us to ask for it.  OK?  :-)

Craig and I are also starting to teach him signs, frequently together with a Chinese word to reinforce the meaning, so that we can build his vocabulary for communicating.  We are blessed to have a professional sign language interpreter with us who is adopting with Lifeline at the moment as well, and we are daily building our vocab. (Thanks, Angie.)  Up until now, his only way to ask for something, or say something, is to make some sort of sound and point.  We are hoping to give him vocabulary to build a bridge for him until his surgery to close his palate is done.  Just tonight, I used the sign for stinky at a dirty diaper (I had just learned it), and he used it just a bit later to indicate that he had another dirty diaper.  Smart and quick. 

Also, he is Crazy about all modes of transportation.  The big item of the last 2 days has been the official introduction to a stroller.  He would have us push him in it everywhere, all the time, especially if we will go out of doors.  We do not, but he would like that.  :-)  He loves having his own set of wheels, and particularly if daddy has to stop and tote it and him up or down a set of stairs.  Hilarious!!  However, he also giggles with glee when we stride toward our bus, a van, a golf cart, an escalator, an elevator, and Especially a people-mover at the airport!! Good times!!



We just weighed him, and he has already gained weight in just one week with us.  This despite major intestinal distress.  He is gonna GROW!!  He has an inquisitive mind, a happy and playful personality, and a desire to help, please, and communicate.  I for one cannot wait to get some healthy, healthy stuff into this kid to help him build his brain and body. 

Well, some comments on life in China: 

I love the breakfast buffet at the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou because of how very international the selections are.  This is an international banking hub, and there are people from everywhere staying at this hotel.  I wish I felt like green vegetables at breakfast, because I could eat a day's worth.   There is everything from our expected waffles, fruit, and omelets to miso soup, hummus, olives, fish rice porridge, all kinds of salad makings, steamed cabbages and greens, dumplings galore, Middle Eastern flavored meat, crispy bacon and not-at-all-cooked-enough bacon, and everything else on the planet that gets eaten for breakfast.  (Well, maybe not everything, but it seems like it.)  I have to subdue the urge to go up to people and strike up conversations while they are trying to conduct business or enjoy their morning coffee.  "And where are YOU from, sir?  I know Africa, but where in it???"  "Mar'haba, ma'am.  Are you from Saudi or Yemen or elsewhere?"  etc. But we have entirely to much to handle with our pint-sized crazy-food-man for me to be leaving Craig at breakfast to try to chat with strangers regarding their language background and home countries, so I don't.  :-)  But it is tantalizing to me.

Crossing the street in a large Chinese city is a lot like playing Frogger.  (If you are younger than, say, 32, then you should just ignore the reference and move on, I guess.)  (Unless you're into vintage video games.)  (If you know Frogger, then, seriously, it is a lot like it.)  In Shanghai, Even At The Crosswalk we could get hit.  Guangzhou is a bit more civilized; the crosswalk is more or less respected, IF you are at a light.  Otherwise, you had better be on your guard.  Wow.  Going to the 7-11 is such an adventure.  We stick with people from here and follow their lead.  I figure if I'm between an old lady and a lady with a baby my chances are higher.  :-)

Thanks to all of you for your prayers.  We are deeply grateful for those of you who are keeping up with us through the blog and lifting up our requests.  Please pray for us to have wisdom regarding how to settle Dimao's stomach, particularly before the long international flight.  Pray for our family at home to be prepared for our return; pray for the joy of the addition of a new brother to outweigh the difficulty of adjustments, and thank God with us for the work that He will do in each of our lives through the addition of this life to our home.  Continue to pray for our patience and endurance, for peace and grace to prevail in our hearts, and for us to have God-given wisdom in the best ways to parent him.

Blessings to you!


Big grins as Mommy helps Abe down the stairs

Watching the chimps with Dad-

Little Boy likes to travel

Friday was our first travel day.  We checked out of our hotel, went and proofread some documents, and went to the airport to fly to Guangzhou.  Melissa and I have handled international airports before, but it was really really nice to have our guide help us check in.  Because we haven't handled international airports with a toddler before, and as you parents know, having a toddler makes getting anywhere 5 times more difficult.

We had a long wait in the airport, and the whole time Melissa and I were on edge, worried about tantrums and diaper challenges in a crowded airport, or on a plane.  But, to our amazement and great relief, little Abe was an awesome trooper.  No crying, no trying to run away, no problems.  We arrived and checked in at the Garden hotel in Guangzhou, a rather deluxe place.

We've had a couple of good days here.  Abe is getting used to us, and us to him. Naps and bedtime are still hard and likely will be for a while, but most of the day is great.  The hotel provided us with a stroller and Abe loves it! He likes going places- he giggles when he gets in the stroller, when he gets on a van or bus, and wasn't fazed at all by the airplane. I can't wait to show off his cute little self to you all.

We are also with about 6 other adopting families here, and we get to encourage each other by telling about what has been hard and what has been great.  Yesterday we all went to a doctors office to get medical clearance for Abe to get a U.S. entrance visa.  Every time he was measured or poked he giggled, which was great (a lot of the other kids weren't so happy about it).  The last thing there was a TB test, which meant a big shot in the arm with a big needle.  We were braced for crying, and Abe just shrugged it off.  He may be like his brother Eli- tough as nails.  We may have to start a local MMA league for them when they get older.

This morning we shopped at a big market with the other families.  I think we have a few days of this- morning activities then afternoon and evening time to wander as a family or huddle in the room and keep getting to know each other.  While people somewhere process paperwork for us.  

Thanks for praying.  Please pray for our other kids, Amelia and Eli, that they will be ready to welcome Abe next week and help us with caring for him.  We miss them terribly, even though we get to skype them every few days.  Keep praying for sleep time- we are getting used to it, but it still isn't fun. 
Thanks so much.

The biggest and littlest Hawkins in the airport:

Abe doing his 'happy clapping dance' (about to get fed):

At the doctor, being brave and tough!:

Y'all have a great Sunday- we can't wait to be home and able to worship with our church again- hope you are enjoying yours!